Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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