Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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