Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
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what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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