wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out