fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.