At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina