Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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