Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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