About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize