he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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