I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
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My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
And then he peed in my hair
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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