I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize