yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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