I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
