You just made me feel so damn special
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
