This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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