I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
