He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize