I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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