I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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