I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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