I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
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I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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