What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
