I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
