i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.