So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!