haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.