are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.