Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
