ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize