Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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