I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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