apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
