I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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