Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
