Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
babies were throwing up all over the place
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Randomize