i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
