Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
