oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
