I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
