we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
