She is in my trunk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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