Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
