I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
