R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
