Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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