I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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