I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
