im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize