Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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