Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
