I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?