we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.