Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae