Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.