Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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