I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
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Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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