barbara walters just said penis...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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